Afraid to Become; Unafraid to BE

"When I'm distant from Him, I become afraid because I'm not sure who I'm becoming. But when I'm close to God, I can rest knowing that He knows who I am. And in this place I know I'm going to be okay." Tammy Trent, The Art of Being

5 airports in 10 days, 13 hours of air travel time, 10 hours of bus travel time, God knows how many times on the subway, ironically starting in the country-side only to arrive back in the country-side. Because I limited the amount of luggage I allowed myself to bring during my travels I decided on only two books: 1) The Lies Young Women Believe; and 2)The Art of Being. The second one became my "traveling buddy" and has given me inspiration to who I am and have yet to become.

New York was a bust at first but God was faithful to provide abundantly more than I ever expected or imagined. After being invited to stay in Upstate New York I was left stranded at the airport. Luckily, an old friend from San Diego (with great integrity) came through and welcomed me into her home with her family now living in the Bronx.
Getting to spend a whole day in downtown Manhattan was preparation for finding my around London. It was hard getting used to the crowd and noise level of a big city again but I quickly found myself wanting to revisit very soon for a much longer period of time. Of course, couldn't leave without purchasing my own "I [HEART] NY" tee. My last moments spent on U.S. territory were on familiar grounds- the beach. I said my good-byes to the warmth and rays of the sun.






Finally, I was headed (once again) to Heathrow International Airport London. Only this time when I arrived I wasn't greeted by best friend. Instead, I had to walk 10 minutes to the tube station and find my way to the other side of the city by myself. 2 and 1/2 hours later I found the address I was going to be lodging in Poplar. I still did not know under whose roof I was going to be laying my head but when I found the address I received a very kind greeting by two beautiful Argentinian women-one of who was 14 years old. I felt at peace right away.

They told me of the work God was doing in the Poplar community and I was relieved to just hear of His name. Right away, I reaized something: I have no idea what God is doing in the hearts of other people around the world! I mean, here I am asking God to send me and I have no clue of those He's already sent. "Who am I?"

That evening I walked around Central London asking myself that very question, "Who am I?" I was there but something was missing - a part of me. I should have been happy but it was all superficial. I was missing my time with the Lord. I needed time in His presence, in fellowship, in weakness.

The next two days were spent in a classroom training by UK-TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language). I met great people there and right away felt at ease with being exposed to the English culture. My last day spent in London was a birthday I'll never forget. Getting to see my buddy Johnny from Horizon School of Evangelism (San Diego) for the day was great! Sushi in Central London was unique! Best of all, cake, good company, and laughs with my new friends at YWAM London.









The next morning, my £5 bus ticket to Bradford left London at 10:30 a.m. As the bus drove away I took one last look out into the city and saw how I had held it all too high in my heart. Traveling is great and it's one of my passions but it's nothing compared to what I have in Jesus. It can never "fill" me. It's tiring and many dtimes very confusing. So, I had to conclude in my heart that one day the buildings, the monuments, the people will all fade away and the only thing that will be left forever is the One who created it all. "I am ready for Bradford!!"

After arriving to my final destination, I was no longer alone. Being picked up by two girls from Mercy Ministries and Abundant Life Church (Erin and Fi) gave me such a peace about transitioning here. They told me about all the great things God does through both ministries. The best part being: WORSHIP. My other two roommates for right now (Beccy and Jo) are amazingly unique! The weather is unpredictable here in Bradford. It's a rain storm one minute and sun shines every now and then. Similar to Chama, actually. The house I'm staying at right now is at the top of the city (or at least it seems) and looks over beautiful acres of the city and country.






And so over the past week, I've been here in Bradfor experiencing happiness and hardship at the same time. Not knowing WHY God chose Me. Not knowing IF God chose me. By the grace of God, I see that He's taking me to a new level of faith in Him. On that new level I have to remember that my role is to know WHO I am in Him.